


This is What it Feels Like

by axolotlcuddles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oikawa is sad and dysphoric, i love to make my faves suffer, trans boy Oikawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:08:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6769957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotlcuddles/pseuds/axolotlcuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, Hajime?” Iwaizumi turns his head.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is What it Feels Like

**Author's Note:**

> So... Writing isn't my thing but I love trans Oikawa and there isn't enough of that in the world so I'm here to provide. 
> 
> ((my tumblr is grcndking.tumblr.com))

Oikawa rolls over when he hears the buzzing of his phone sitting on his desk.

11:38am  
_Mattsun: do you wanna get lunch or smth?_

Oikawa slowly picks up his phone and types out a response 

_Oikawa: sorry. im not rly feeling so great_

He’s vaguely implying that he’s sick. I kinda am, he thinks.

11:39am  
_Mattsun: sorry to hear that dude. feel better  
Oikawa: thanks_

Oikawa puts his phone back down and rolls over, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his stomach. It feels like he’s about to vomit, coupled with the feeling that there’s a knife being twisted in his gut. He’s sweating from the heat of his humid room and the fact that he’s wearing entirely sweats and completely covered by a large comforter, but he doesn’t care.

Just as he’s slipping back out of consciousness his phone buzzes again. Oikawa reaches for his glasses and slips them on before grabbing his phone and sliding it open.

12:07am  
_Iwa-chan~~: im coming over so you’d better not be naked_

Oikawa smiles weakly and turns his phone back off. Around three, he doesn’t actually know, minutes later there’s a soft knock on his door.

“I hope you’re wearing clothes ‘cause I’m coming in,” Iwaizumi says, opening the door, but only after Oikawa gives him a quiet “Yeah.” Oikawa winces as he sits up slowly whiles Iwaizumi walks towards him and sits down on the bed.

“What’re you doing here?” Oikawa asks weakly.

“Mattsun texted me, said you weren’t feeling good. “You know you can call me when it gets like this, right?” Iwaizumi puts his hand on OIkawa’s knee and rubs it softly, Oikawa nods. “Period?” 

Oikawa nods again, looking anywhere that isn’t Iwaizumi.

“You really need to talk to your parents about getting on T. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I know, it’s just–” Oikawa takes a shaky breath, “I can’t.” OIkawa leans forward, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Iwaizumi pulls him in and runs his hand down Oikawa’s back.

“Hey, you need to take your binder off.” Oikawa sighs and shakes his head but immediately winces, regretting it. 

“I can’t.”

“Yeah, you can. Here, just,” Iwaizumi nudges Oikawa gently and tugs at the bottom of his sweatshirt.

“No stop! I told you, I don’t want to. I’m not going to,” Oikawa pushes himself backwards so that he’s sitting straight against the headboard of the bed and out of Iwaizumi’s grasp.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s hand carefully, trying not to startle him.

“It’s not you,” Oikawa says apologetically, “I just. Can’t.” 

“I’m going to get you a glass of water and when I come back you’re not going to be wearing that binder anymore, okay?” Iwaizumi hops off the bed and shuffles out of the room. The door clicks behind him and OIkawa slowly slips off his sweater. With his sweater now discarded, he reaches into his shirt and unhooks the binder, lethargically pulling it off through the head hole of his shirt. Quickly, Oikawa pulls the sweatshirt back over his head in an attempt to hide his newly exposed figure. He slumps back against the bed frame and shuts his eyes tightly. The door creaks open and Oikawa fells the bed sink in front of him.

“Here, drink this, you’ll feel better,” Iwaizumi hands him a glass of water.

“Thanks,” Oikawa takes a few sips of the water before putting it on the table beside his bed.

“Did you take it off?” Iwaizumi looks straight at him and Oikawa nods. 

“Let’s go downstairs and get you something to eat. No on else is home so we can watch a movie if you want.”

“Yeah, sure,” Oikawa pushes himself off the bed and starts walking slowly down the stairs of his house and Iwaizumi follows behind him. Oikawa turns, heading into the kitchen.

“Stop it dumbass, go sit down; I’ll do this,” Iwaizumi pushes Oikawa’s shoulder lightly, directing him towards the couch.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind,” Oikawa faces Iwaizumi.

“Tooru, go lie down,” Iwaizumi points to the living room. Oikawa walks to the couch and lies down long ways across the couch and closes his eyes. He tries to slow his breathing, quietly listening to his boyfriend bustles around the kitchen, going about the course of making ramen. It’s distracting and that’s good.

“Makki and Mattsun said they wanted to come over in like an hour, is that ok?” Oikawa sits up and looks at Iwaizumi as he walks over carrying two bowls and two glasses on a tray.

“No. I don’t really want to see them right now, sorry,” Oikawa looks down at his hands.

“It’s ok, they’ll understand; I’ll text them,” Oikawa nods. 

Iwaizumi carefully hands Oikawa a bowl of ramen and a cup of water. “I don’t know how to cook anything else, sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you,” Oikawa smiles. Iwaizumi lifts up Oikawa’s legs, giving himself room to sit down, and then puts them back on his laps. The two of them quietly eat their food, occasionally asking a question to the other and getting a one or two word response. Comfortable silence. They both finish and put their bowls on the ground.

“Thanks again,” Oikawa smiles at Iwaizumi. 

“Of course,” Iwaizumi nods. “Do you want to watch something?”

“Uh, sure. You pick,” Iwaizumi looks at him curiously, usually Oikawa would be adamant about picking whichever movie he liked.

“Ok, give me a second,” Oikawa watches as Iwaizumi stands up to get his bag, which he must have abandoned when he walked in. He rummages around for a second before pulling out his laptop and placing it on the table in front of the couch. He then goes back to his bag and grabs something else, Oikawa assumes it’s Iwaizumi’s chosen film.

“He pops it out of the case and pushes it into his computer. Iwaizumi plops back down on the couch as the opening title starts to play. The Studio Ghibli opening plays across the screen and afterwards, the words Princess Mononoke can be read. Not an alien movie, but definitely one of their favorites.

“Come over here,” Iwaizumi gestures to his lap and OIkawa slides over and half sits, half lies on Iwaizumi. The back of his head is on Iwaizumi’s stomach and the rest of his body is draped over the couch. Iwaizumi goes to rest his hands just under Oikawa’s collarbone, but Oikawa flinches. 

“Not there, not right now,” Oikawa says quietly. 

Too close to his chest.

“I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Oikawa relaxes in his lap. Iwaizumi’s hands fall in Oikawa’s hair and they both settle in, watching the movie in front of them. With Iwaizumi’s fingers in his hair, mindlessly twisting and playing with it, Oikawa feels himself slowly start to drift off.

There are about twenty minutes left in the movie when Oikawa is startled awake by pounding on the door.

“Sorry,” Oikawa wipes the sleep from his eyes.

“Feeling better?”

“A little, I guess,” Oikawa frowns.

“I’m gonna see who’s at the door,” Iwaizumi stands up, letting Oikawa’s head rest on the couch. Groggily, Oikawa sits up curiously watching Iwaizumi open the door. Suddenly the room is filled with noise. The door slams open and Mattsun and Makki burst into the room. 

“Heeeeeeeere’s Johnny,” The two of them say in unison. Oikawa stands up quickly and runs to his room, tears prickling his eyes. He slams the door shut and jumps onto his bed, burying his head in his pillow.

There’s a quiet knock on his door.

“Go away,” Oikawa says, it’s muffled by the pillow.

“It’s just me,” Iwaizumi’s voice calls through the door. When Oikawa says nothing Iwaizumi enters the room and sits down next to Oikawa.

“I told you I didn’t want them here,” Oikawa says angrily.

“I know. I told them that. They thought they’d be helpful and they didn’t listen,” Iwaizumi rubs his back. 

“I don’t want them to see me, I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want their image of me to be how I look right now. I hate it and seeing them makes it feel worse. And I know I’m overreacting, don’t say it,” Oikawa sits up and shakes his head.

“They understand, you know–”

“No they don’t, and as hard as you try, neither do you. I have to fight tooth and nail to be recognized as who I am, and even my body is fighting against me. They don’t know what that’s like and neither do you,” Oikawa spits out before bursting into tears.

“I’m sorry, I know and I’m sorry. I wish I could help you more. I love you so, so much,” Iwaizumi hugs Oikawa tightly.

“Hajime I’m sorry,” Oikawa chokes on a sob. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I’m really sorry,” Oikawa buries his face in Iwaizumi shirt.

“You have no reason to be sorry, you did nothing that wasn’t warranted, especially now,” Iwaizumi lets Oikawa relax in his arms.

“Should I tell them to leave?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Yeah, thanks,” Oikawa slips out of Iwaizumi’s grasp, allowing him to stand up. Iwaizumi is about to leave the room when Oikawa calls out. “Can you get me advil or something while you’re up?”

Iwaizumi nods. “Yeah, sure.” Oikawa flips over and lies on his stomach flat in the middle of his bed and closes his eyes. He hears quiet chatter followed by the door shutting and footsteps coming towards his bedroom. 

“They’re gone,” Iwaizumi closes the door. “And here’s this,” he hands OIkawa a glass of water and two small painkillers. Oikawa reaches to take them from Iwaizumi’s hand. He swallows them and Iwaizumi sits next to him.

“Headache or cramps?” Iwaizumi asks gently in reference to the medicine that Oikawa just ingested.

“Both,” Oikawa grimaces, lying back on the bed. He throws his arm over his eyes.

“Do you want me to leave?” Iwaizumi asks.

“No, I need you here. Plus, I like you,” Oikawa smiles weakly from under his arm.

“I like you too,” Iwaizumi leans down and kisses Oikawa on the forehead. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Oikawa’s face is pained and he just about looks like he’s going to start crying again.

Oikawa exhales, “Just keep talking; and don’t leave.”

“Of course,” Iwaizumi lies down next to Oikawa. Slowly, Oikawa curls up on Iwaizumi’s chest, head resting over his heart. And Iwaizumi talks to him. He tells about his week, what he ate for breakfast, something that someone in his class said, and anything else that comes to mind.

“Hey, Hajime?” Iwaizumi turns his head.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”


End file.
